```A part
of what I feel after reading short sentences```
God,
it is not true if he said that I start to forget him. No. A BIG NO. I do not start to forget him. But the true one
is that I try to forget him. Not
because there’s no feeling anymore. That feeling still exists, still the same.
It just because I can’t. I haven’t been a single person. I haven’t truly
experienced a revival in myself. There’re still many things of mine haven’t
changed.
Stop
thinking about and trying to forget are totally different. Forgetting or
ignoring (read: lupa) happens
unconsciously and the possibility of feeling painful is small. However, trying
to forget will need some attempt. Perhaps, if the thing we want to forget is a
small thing, feeling hurt will not really appear. Yet, trying to forget things
rooted deeply, very deeply in the deepest part of the heart, such this feeling,
the pain must appear, must not out of pain.
God,
I try to forget because I feel I
can’t; will not be able to do well if I do it now. I am sensitive and I realize
that.
Suffering
because of too sensitive.
God,
that feeling still exists. And I try to forget not because I doubt YOUR pledge,
YOUR word. I trust, God. I do really believe because there’re many of YOUR word
done in my life. Moreover, YOUR care about me is truly real. Many times I
almost ‘die’, but it such condition YOU must reveal YOUR power, YOUR mightiness
that are inconceivable. And will YOU do the same to this thing, Father?
God,
that feeling is still the same. But I admit, I realize that my attitude
changed. I start to keep away from him. I know that it is wrong. I know that it
is hurt. However, it just has happened. My attitude has made the situation
between I and him getting worse.
God,
will I still have a hope? Is there still a place for this feeling? Is there any
chance to keep struggling for this feeling?
deepest heart of mine
4/6/2012 6:34 AM
marieae
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